As my birthday gift to myself this year, I took my love of fuchsia to a new level. Hellllloooo hot pink hair!  Aside from my unwitting choice of a short bob haircut in the 7th grade that resulted in “trapezoid head,” this is probably the boldest thing I’ve ever done to my appearance. My inner child is definitely doing the happy dance (and thanking the stars it wasn’t another middle school fiasco). And I feel like I’ve been walking around with a perpetual smile on my face. But the choice goes even deeper for me.

𝕀𝕥’𝕤 𝕒 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕚𝕥𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕦𝕟𝕒𝕡𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕞𝕪 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕥𝕙. I’ve hidden parts of myself my entire life. Growing up, it’s what many of us learn to do to fit in or to receive love. I have always struggled to really allow myself to be seen by others, to vulnerably share my light and my shadow. Those closest to me have earned the trust to see my heart, to know me for who I am. And having smart boundaries means that not everyone gets to witness the deepest parts of me. But the thoughts, opinions, and ideas that are born from my creative soul – and even that messy process of iterating – that is pure magic, divine radiance. Step by step, I am owning that. I am choosing to face the fear of imperfection. I am embracing my spirituality, my femininity, and my whimsical nature. I am sharing more of my incomplete stories and my thoughts that are not yet fully formed. I am no longer willing to pay the price of being out of integrity with myself.

𝕀𝕥’𝕤 𝕒𝕟 𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕪 𝕤𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕚𝕘𝕟𝕥𝕪. I am my own authority. I am my greatest responsibility. I belong to myself first. Part of my healing work is reclaiming the power I have either freely given to others or who have tried to lay claim to it – spiritual leaders in the faith tradition I was raised, family members, therapists and coaches, previous partners and friends, society and the patriarchy, professional groups. This is me saying I get to make my own damn decisions, because I know what I want and what’s best for me. This is an act of trusting myself and walking in the fullness of my power. (Thank you so much to Britt and Kelsey for modeling this so well and being my hair inspiration!)

𝕀𝕥’𝕤 𝕒 𝕕𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕦𝕡 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗. The truth is that my hair didn’t turn out the color I envisioned on the first round. A previous version of myself wouldn’t have said anything, but I deeply felt the need to honor myself. The stylist’s second attempt got me closer – but as much as I love channeling Ariel vibes, the orangey-coral-red I ended up with was still not the dreamy fuchsia we talked about. Wanting to be sensitive to her time and worried that further experimenting would do damage, I decided I would let go and embrace it for what it was. I mean, it’s just hair, and I didn’t HATE it. But after a pep talk from a dear friend in which I was trying to convince her I was ok with it, she called me on it. (Thank you Ashley!) I realized I deserve to feel fabulous and have hair I LOVE. And so I reached out to my previous stylist, Claire, who came in on her day off to fix the debacle. She even went easy on me for “cheating on her.” She is an absolute magician and has made me feel like a goddess. I am beyond grateful to her, and I am completely in love with my new hair!! (Lesson learned, and she is my gal.) Advocating for myself still feels hard sometimes, especially when it’s over something I feel I should be “more chill” about. (Even though we all know that hair is everything – thank you Fleabag.) But what we’re willing to ask for – and settle for – says so much about how much we love ourselves and show up when we need ourselves most.

𝕀𝕥’𝕤 𝕒 𝕔𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕗𝕒𝕣 𝕀’𝕧𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕞𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕙𝕒𝕤 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕕 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣. Last year, by choice, I celebrated my birthday alone instead of with my partner at the time. As I wandered the Art Institute and gardens, I felt stuck in a life that was no longer my own, terrified to hurt someone who loved me deeply and who had done nothing wrong, but even more terrified that I would silence the voice of my intuition and miss what was meant for me if I didn’t respond. Less than two weeks later we began the difficult process of lovingly separating and moving out of the home we shared. It was one of the most heartbreaking decisions I’ve ever made, yet through my grief, I felt my soul calling me to go deeper into my spiritual practices. Over the past year, this has led me to meditation, to yoga, to singing – and to various healing modalities and explorations for 3.5 months of travel. It’s opened up an entire new world of possibility to me – and ultimately the cultivation of a loving relationship with myself. I’ve been back in Chicago a few months now, and I still don’t know what lies ahead. But on Sunday, I woke up feeling deeply loved and celebrated, and in a beautifully aligned life I am creating. And for that I am incredibly grateful.

So here’s to fuchsia hair, a new tattoo, a spontaneous trip, or whatever bold moves are YOUR embodiment of truth, sovereignty, empowerment, and alignment!